starve the beast

well, these have been very weird times for me as of late (as the few of you that may have taken in the blog threads). had alot of shit drop for me personally & the band lately (namely the fact that it isnt a band anymore... just me now, on me todd. if you can handle that?)

had alot on my plate & only a small spoon to try & eat it all with. in truth I've spent the last 4 weeks in bed watching sad "thinker" movies (solaris anyone?) & trying my best to ignore anything thats relivent in any way what so ever. so I havent been very productive at all heh

I've also sold alot of stuff from my studio that I really loved owning & using, mostly performence stuff that I needed jake for (he'd pick up some slack so I could expirment with a kaossilator or a drum pad or sumin). that all proved to be irrelivent so it had to go.

lately I've also had alot of people trying to invigorate me into a new kick start. Usually wacking me with the line "think of it as an oppertunity to finally try all the stuff you wanted to do with stoltz instead?" The problum being with jake involved, I was already doing pretty much everything I wanted to do, as having that ceative & technical backup always ment I could free up & be even more experiemntal than I could be on my own, simply becuase I had somewhere there (on stage or in the studio) to kinda pick up that slack, or simply carry an energy for me. thats all over with now. 

I do realize that this all kinda sounds doom & gloom, but its better for the whole thing if I can just be honest about it all & let it all go, as stoltz as an entity will never survive otherwise.

so, these are weird times, & they continue to be. I have alot of distractions at the moment & an almost endless list of external "commitments" that seem to pull me further & further away from the stoltz animal (if you make the lions den too big, the visitors will no longer look for the animal, as the beast will never be in view). plus I really dont know whtat will happen with stoltz.

but, though I dont have an exact clue what the next steps will be, & where they can lead. I can say I am making slow moves to begin again. I've been buying in specific gear to allow me to play live solo again, nearly have everything now so I can take a deep look at live performence in gernal & have a stab at throwing a sonic wobbler again. I'll know soon enough if i'll work. theres also a few new tunes in me that await an oppertunity to bubble to the surface, & they'll need a fucking LOUD sound system to do em justice!

for now I guess, the animal is on the vets "critical list" of consideration to be put down. its licking its wounds & has a swollen look in its eyes.

dont get comfertble tho, as IF a beast survives being out for a count, you can always garrentee that its belly will be empty, so it'll sharpen its teeth ready to feed again

(some kind of)sy

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